Getting Older... Supposed to Mean Wiser, Right?!

Luke and I are too young to be dealing with constant health problems, aren't we?!

I have been having dizzy spells for the last couple of months...

and the doctor finally wanted me to get an MRI 'just to be sure'. Well, the just to be sure was going to cost A LOT! (30% is our part of the bill after insurance) And I was feeling better (much less frequent dizzy spells) after my first visit with the physical therapist.

Then I received a message from my sweet MIL telling me (not asking, mind you) that she and my parents were going to pay for the MRI- so schedule it! Ummm, I was thankful for the love behind the action- but it did leave me wondering how old I would have to be before I was not the child... but that only lasted a few moments as I realized how very blessed I am to have people in my life who love and care about me so very much!

Plus, the dizziness returned with a vengeance!

So, I scheduled the MRI- went to PT again and a great blessing- the therapist just happened to mention a different place to have an MRI that was just over 1/4 the price of the original venue! So much less money! What a blessing!

BTW, MRI's are NOT the most fun thing to do...

I got the results this week- no tumor or unexplained something or another...

Basically, my body (head) is getting older. As we age, the blood vessels going to our brains wind around and grow (the doctor compared it to varicose veins in our heads- lovely image!)

My blood vessels on the left side of my head have grown and curled (the doctor's 'technical' term) around my vestibular nerve-

Now those blood vessels may decided to curl a different direction or they may just crowd my nerve even more (resulting in increased dizziness and possible hearing loss- joy!)

But the only solution is a major brain surgery- and that might not even work...

So, the short version of all of this- I am just getting older. I need to keep doing my PT to retrain my brain to not be dizzy.

I am thankful that I do have the opportunity to be older- even if it comes with all the 'fun' new experiences!

Two years ago today....

On 4/20/2012 at 1:08 PM, I received this text message:

"I’m by a bench to your right ;)"

from none other than the love of my life- Luke!

We were both here and were meeting for a first 'date'.

Yes, Internet dating can be successful! (love eHarmony! Just sayin')

It was the first of many wonderful and interesting conversations. It was the first of many wonderful and interesting days in my life. It was the first of many wonderful and interesting of days yet to come!

I am so grateful to be sealed to this man for the rest of eternity!

And now he is often found on a bench or a chair or sofa cushion on my right!

And it still makes me smile!

Uphill. Both Ways. In the Snow- Kind of Week!

Only, it was record warmth here- no real snow... but plenty of chilly life challenges!

Yeah- This week, I am the frog!

But I am so grateful for the blessing of attending sacrament meeting. Here is a small part of what I learned:

A quote from Elder Holland (general conference): "God never leaves us alone." Pray for guidance always!

The Lord tells us what we need to do, but it is up to us to do it- to be obedient.

The Lord always blesses us when we are obedient.

I was reminded of a dark time in my life. I had just found out some very difficult realities concerning my now ex-husband, and I had decided that despite having 3 young children under the age of seven, no job, two mortgages, and a seven year old college degree w/out work experience, I had to file for divorce. I felt very alone that day, very discouraged. It felt as if all of my hopes and dreams would never be a reality. 

My mother graciously took the children to her home so that I could think and try to plan my next step in life... I couldn't. All I could do was to sit in a rocking chair, rock and cry. But as I poured my heart out to my Father in Heaven, something wonderful happened that I will NEVER forget:

 I felt my Savior's arms wrap around me and comfort me. It was not just in my head- it was a real sensation- as real as anything I have ever known. He 'held' me when I needed Him most.

 Now the situation of my life then did not change, things did not suddenly become easy. I did file for divorce and had to deal with all of the realities of raising those children on my own- but, from that moment on, things, in a very real sense, did get easier. I KNOW I was not alone then and am not alone now. I KNOW that my Father in Heaven is real and is there always. He cares, He loves me, and He loves you too.

We will always get more blessings than we deserve. I am so grateful for this reality even as I continue to trudge uphill in the 'snow'- both ways!

Kids are Great (Grandkids- Said to be Even Greater...)

Here is a link to the most adorable kid: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdcuaeYV9oM&sns=em 

What a cutie!

Of course, my own kids are even better- to me!

Here is our very own missionary - for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints:

And I have heard that grandkiddos will be even better still!

Number one- coming in August:

Number 2- coming in October!

I am not only the most blessed mom; I will be the most blessed  Grandmom too!

Life is All Cottage Cheese with Chocolate Chips!

I am getting used to Luke's new schedule: the early bedtime, the gazillion pills a day, etc. But I don't know if I will ever be prepared for some of his weird food cravings. (I didn't know that grandfathers-to-be got weird food cravings!)

So Luke said to me: "you know what sounds good? Cottage cheese with chocolate chips. Can I have some for lunch tomorrow?"- totally serious!

So, I packed it, and he liked it!

Our life right now is quite a bit like this unique gourmet delight:

1. VERY unique!

2. Sounds not so great at first.

3. Upon second thought, it may have some appeal.

4. If you try it, you will find that you'll like it.

Our life is certainly unique. We have never had this particular set of challenges and will never have them in quite the same way again.

If I were to list our challenges, they would not sound so great at first.

On a second examination, remembering all the challenges we have conquered and seeing all the challenges of friends and family, our challenges now, with their accompanying blessings, actually start to hold some appeal.

And if I can just remember to jump right in to accepting these challenges for what they can teach me, rely on my Heavenly Father to guide me through, and pray and pray and pray, I may come through actually 'liking' the here and now!

The Gospel is true. My Father in Heaven is real and loves me always! You too!

And some people, like my Luke, actually enjoy cottage cheese with chocolate chips! 

New Skill- Good for the Looong Days!

It's been another incredibly long week, with the promise of many yet to come... the doctor said that Luke will only have enough energy to work as long as that is the ONLY thing he uses energy for doing. Well, we already knew that- big sigh here!

But, have I mentioned, Luke is able to work! I am so happy for him and so proud of his incredible amount of determination to do what he has to do in his life to get to this point! CFS is such a hard disease- hard on everyone. Heavenly Father has blessed Luke and I so much to be able to get to where we are against this disease...

And with Cassie and Allen expecting our first grandchild, I thought it was high time I figured out some grandma type skills:

Is it big enough, too big, just right?

love this stitch!

And thank you, thank you, thank you to Colette! She lent me the use of this gigantic hook which made everything so much faster! I will definitely be buying one of these!

And oddly enough, it is relaxing...

Courage takes Faith

It has been a miraculous week in many ways! And a hard week...

Luke has been able to work!

But he has to have a very strict schedule and use all of his energy for work...

I know that as his health continues to improve, work will not be all consuming. But for now, it is. Both in Luke's life and in mine... no nights with friends or family, not even nights for a date

But I have to focus on the miracle- because that is what Luke's improved health really is- a miracle- and Luke can work!

This video, on Mormon Messages says it all:

http://www.mormonchannel.org/video/mormon-messages?v=2221439363001

Quotes from this message that I KNOW are true:

"You don't really realize how strong you are, until being strong is all you have left."

"Being brave doesn't mean I am not afraid."

"Brave is just acting in faith."

"If I really trust Heavenly Father, it doesn't matter what I don't understand."

And my very favorite- mostly because I know from personal experience how true this is:

"I know that God has a plan for me that is usually different than what I have planned for myself. It's not always easier, but it's always better!"